Red Elephant - A Stampede to Your Arteries!

Arteries - prepare to be clogged! And YOU - prepare to like it! At Red Elephant, you get nothing less than cheesy, meaty, greasy, completely, totally, unabashed bar and grill food that's sure to go straight to your hips, thighs, tummy or any other problem area that you've been trying to get rid of for the past 10 years.

But you know, sometimes if something's wrong - you don't wanna be right. And that's exactly how I feel about Red Elephant. Of all the pizza joints I've tried in town, this one is my favorite. And believe me, that's saying a LOT because I have quite a few requirements for what constitutes "good" pizza in my book. I know this debate has been raging since the beginning of time, and there are those who will punch someone in the face if they like Chicago Style pizza better than NY Style pizza or vice versa. Pizza is a personal thing. I get it. So I'm not saying you have to agree with me, I'm just saying this is what I like:

  1. Thin crust
  2. Not a lot of sauce (I hate when you take a bite of pizza and the sauce squirts all over your face - or your shirt)
  3. Lots of toppings on TOP of the cheese (Don't bury those puppies! I want to see how much I'm getting! And If I order pepperoni, I want pepperoni, dangit! Not just one or two - but LOTS)
  4. Crunchy meat toppings (I hate soggy, rubbery pepperoni, sausage, ham or bacon)
  5. Low on grease (yes, some grease is essential, but I don't want to be able to soak my napkin in it)
  6. Small slices (I want to pick up my pizza with one hand and eat it, not cut it, fold it or use two hands to lift it!)
  7. Fresh made (Not something that's been sitting around under a heat lamp, I want that sucker to be made-to-order and come out piping hot!)
Red Elephant consistently delivers on all of the above. In fact, they back their food with a 100% Quality Guarantee and you don't see that too often anymore. Plus, they do it all within a fun, casual, family atmosphere with good, friendly service. What more could you ask for? Loaded Fries. That's what.

I can't set foot in this place without ordering their Loaded Fries - a monstrosity of crispy cheese fries, topped with bacon bits and served with a spicy ranch dressing. If you don't get an order the next time you go in, I'd say you're certifiably crazy. These things are like eat-your-heart-out delicious. And not only that, but I'm quite certain they put something in this dish that makes them highly addictive. I can't stop eating them until I pick every last piece of cheese and bacon off the plate. And you couldn't stop me, even if you tried. Even if you told me that the place was on fire, I would calmly continue to stuff my face with the cheesy-bacony-potatoey goodness that is their Loaded Fries, and a burly fireman would have to throw me over his shoulder, plate in hand of course, and carry me out. Order them - I'm telling you - you won't be disappointed! Unless you hate awesome stuff. Then, you might.

Because the Loaded Fries are such a generous portion, we only ordered a Small Hearty Meat Lovers Pizza to follow them up. That's pepperoni, sausage, ground beef and bacon - all perfectly crispy and all loaded on top of their fresh cut mozzarella cheese and homemade sauce. I mean, seriously? Salty and savory, crunchy and melty, this pie was just what the doctor ordered. And look at all those toppings! If you think you could get more toppings on this pizza - I just dare you to try. I mean, I just couldn't even see the cheese underneath! LOVES IT! So, the next time you're planning to cheat on your diet, give this place a try - I promise, I'll never tell!

Tally Foodie Rating:
Atmosphere - B (a bit loud and lots of kids running around)
Taste - A
Presentation - C
Service - A
Price - $$

Restaurant Info:
Red Elephant
1872 Thomasville Road
Tallahassee FL 32303

Red Elephant Pizza & Grill on Urbanspoon


downtown guy December 23, 2009 at 6:27 AM  

Red Elephant is weird, because I grew up on Barnaby's and that's where they swiped their recipe from.

Tally Foodie December 23, 2009 at 6:51 AM Barnaby's here in Tallahassee?? I've never heard of it. I guess it's not right if they're stealing recipes, but their pizzas just taste so darn good!

downtown guy December 23, 2009 at 7:00 AM  

Yep, on the Parkway. It's been there forever. It's kind of... odd, really, but their pizza and pub grub are awesome. RE is the cleaned up, modern version.

About this blog

This blog is dedicated to giving you honest reviews of local restaurants in Tallahassee and the surrounding area. I won't hold any punches, you'll hear about it all - the good, the bad and the (hopefully infrequent) inedible!

This blog was written from July 2009 - August 2010 and is now retired. I currently live in Sarasota, FL...stay tuned for more on my adventures there!